Either you’re with us, or you’re one of the 1.8% of men who actually still maintain a healthy sex life with your wife, even as you walk down the long years of marriage together. Okay, so there’s no real statistic, but everyone has that friend who does nothing but complain because he’s not getting anything from his wife. If this is you, I’ve got some bad news—you’re both to blame in this situation. Take some credit, rookie, and learn from your mistakes.
Complaining Isn’t Sexy
When you get married, there’s often the not-so-distant prospect of children. Dealing with the care of a newborn (not to mention the pregnancy leading up to this little miniature version of you,) isn’t easy on either party. We’re not going to tell you that she actually does have the harder part of the job, because you should already know that. Often, this phase in your life comes with a lack of libido, and it can be from both parties.
When you’re on a three-month dry spell, or even longer, you’re probably going to complain to one of your friends about it. Even if she’s not the type to snoop through your texts, or listen in on your conversations, your actions are going to change slightly. Your body language is going to show your discontent, and often in a harshly negative way.
Bring On The Rain
It’s not quite so simple as bringing home a bouquet of flowers, some wine, and flashing her a smile. While that’s definitely going to help, your part in all of this has to be your mentality. You didn’t enter a marriage to have someone pamper you; you didn’t enter a marriage to be sexually waited on hand and foot. If you did, then I’m sorry to say—you’re in the wrong business, kid.
The different cycles of your lifestyle and sex life are going to change; that’s a given. Maybe you’re working extra hours, and everything at home pisses you off. Got to buy diapers somehow, right? What if you’re home with the kiddo while she’s out at work, and it’s the opposite effect? The biggest thing to remember is that at the end of the day, you only have each other to lean on. Nobody else understands you two—don’t make the mistake of assuming anyone else will know exactly what’s going on.
If you want to get things revved-up again, you’ll be completely shocked—really, blown out of the water shocked, to learn that the most simplistic way to remedy your dry spell is what I’m about to tell you: talk to her. This isn’t a Nicholas Sparks novel, or a Chick Flick; this is real advice. You can’t read each others minds, no matter how well you know one another. Tell her that’s your bummed-out about the lack of sex, and if all goes well, she’ll listen. It may take a few days, but hey, nobody’s perfect, right?
What You Should Do, Even if She’s In The Wrong
Men aren’t perfect. Women aren’t perfect. That means we’re all on an equal playing field. If she’s just ignoring you, or even not listening to you, there’s still someone you can do to turn the charm up and get things going. You’re going to call me crazy, but here goes: stop being married.
I didn’t say get a divorce; stop being an “old married couple” and start dating again. Treat her like you did when you two first got together, y’know, when the good times got rolling that led to that gold band and that baby. Nothing’s foolproof, but this comes as close as it gets. Quit that aggressive body language that’s birthed from your sexual frustration, stop the negative thoughts that rattle around now and again. Be the man, and take her out on a date. Rent a car, have it pick her up at work while the sitter stays with miniature you, and meet her at the restaurant in your Sunday best. Remind her that you aren’t just husband and wife, that you aren’t just mommy and daddy, and it’ll go a long way.
Bonus points if you book a restaurant reservation next to a hotel, you sly dog, you.