Woody Creek Vodka

From the distillers who practice what they preach, Woody Creek Vodka brings you a full-bodied potato vodka flavor that you can’t get anywhere else—here’s why. Woody Creek is the only distillery in the United States that controls 100% of the entire distilling process. No outsourcing, no BS. They know what they want their vodka to taste like from the moment they plant their potatoes.

Mainstream potato vodka doesn’t stand a chance in the shadow of Woody Creek. The flavors domineer their way through your taste buds, bringing you along for the ride as the dryness overtakes your senses like those exaggerated winter mint gum commercials. It’s the vodka you pour at the end of the wedding reception; the vodka you bring out of the cabinet for those special occasions, the pivotal moments. No matter the event, you can always take a swim in the Woody Creek.

 

Get it here


 

Ultimat Vodka

There’s someth8ing to be said for a good, strong Polish vodka. Ultimat was crafted by the delicate hands and fantastic minds behind Patron Tequila, which we all know is the world’s best tequila. While you could make any cheap vodka, label it for blending, and turn a profit, you can’t mimic pure excellence. Ultimat is excellent on the rocks or mixed into just about anything, while keeping its distinct flavor.

 

Ultimat has been lining the top shelves of bars across America, and filling the oddly-shaped glasses as fine dining establishments—it’s a drink that brings people together, getting straight to the point, and getting you straight to relaxation. For the Ultimat way to unwind, we both know there’s only one choice.

 


 

Purity Vodka

A few times in your life, you’ll come into contact with one of those specific bottles of alcohol. One of whiskey, and one of vodka—or so the legend goes. That legend brings you here to Purity Vodka’s premium taste. 100 point vodka that’s been organic-certified, distilled 34 times, and winner of six consecutive years of Vodka of the Year, as awarded by The Spirits Business.

 

Purity’s bottle looks like it was pulled from the depths of some subterranean crystal cavern, filled one of the smoothest substances on Earth. Mixing it isn’t going to leave much of a distinct flavor, but it will leave an impactful punch in whatever you’re blending together. This is top shelf vodka at a mid-grade price, making it an excellent gift, and an even better addition to the top of your liquor cabinet.

 

What you need for a Moscow Mule

  • Lime
  • Vodka
  • Ginger Beer
  • Frozen Moscow Mule mug
  • Lots of Ice

Mix them all to your taste. Some people like it with more vodka, some with more lime juice. Choose your own quantity for each ingredient and make it perfect for yourself and others.


 

Victoria Prima

This has a flavor unlike any beer you’ll try this year. While you get a big rush of hops, you also get that “overloaded washing machine” look when you pour it into a glass. It’s a delicious beer, and it’s underrated.

 

This is the definition of a summer beer; an icy six pack by the grill on a hot day is just where Victory Prima belongs. While it’s not the biggest crowd pleaser, you can always buy your friends light beer.

 

You know, if you consider them friend. Some people have an aversion to victory.

 


 

Adorini Humidor Treviso Deluxe

When you spend good money on quality products, you’re expecting them to work for you—rightfully so. This humidor stashes up to sixty cigars for you (depending on your preference) and comes with all the bells and whistles that you expect when you look for a quality humidor.

 

The UV-protected glass on three sides allows you to keep the lights on, but to take a quick inventory just by looking through the case, all without having to open it. Let your worry slip away when you gaze upon the hair hygrometer built right into this unit. It comes with a pre-calibrated and pinpoint precise humidification system, allowing your cigars to rest on the lined felt, all without having to worry about them going stale.

 

Also—it’s damn cool looking. Don’t deny it; you want this sitting up on your fireplace mantle. If you have a mantlepiece, it’s about to have a high-class neighbor. It’s the piece that your home’s guests will be talking about, especially after they enjoy a nice crisp cigar out of the humidor and get a feel for what this baby can do.

 


 

Your Brief Guide to Choosing Your Next Wine

The wine has gone from elegant dinner party drinking, to casual. In fact, wine has been booming in recent years, as most of the Millenial population has ascended to this inexpensive and widely different world of wine buying. There are more brands being created for the wine business than ever before, and as such, it’s hard to figure out what you want. Whether you’re bringing it as a gift or having a drink after work, here are the characteristics of the wine that are going to aid in the determination process. First, let’s start with the Fourteen Robots crew’s top three picks for wine.

 

  1. Game of Thrones 2015 Red Blend, Paso Robles

 Whether or not you agree with how the series is coming to a close, you have to admit: their wine sure looked pretty good. Well, it’s on display and for sale, boating one of the coolest designs we’ve ever seen for a wine bottle. Apart from the obvious book and show craze, this wine actually has distinct and eccentric flavors, all without costing you an arm and a leg.

 

  1. NV Thousand Islands Winery, North County Red

 We were pretty shocked at the price. For less than you’d expect, a brand name label can be sent right to your front door. There’s nothing better than a top quality red wine, especially when you’re not pouring out your wallet to get it. Especially for those who aren’t too heavy into wine, or want to bring something delicious to dinner, you find everything you need in this bottle.

 

  1. Black Oak California White Zinfandel

 One of the most popular picks for wine is white zin. It’s inexpensive, packs great fruity flavor, and, admittedly, can get you tipsy before long. It’s a crowd-pleaser; you’re not going to bring this to dinner, only to find a unanimous hatred of white zin. You may have just helped someone pick out their next favorite wine, you know. Don’t worry; your viewership is thanks enough.

 

What Do I Look For In Wine?

 When you drink any type of alcohol, even if it’s not a personal purchase requirement, you’re going to look at the alcohol volume percentage. It’s a given—we all do it. Wines can contain as little as 4.5% alcohol and are generally considered more party-like drinks than those looking to enjoy a single glass of excellent wine at home. A great wine has between 10% and 12.5% alcohol volume; it’s just the right amount to help you unwind, while not overpowering the flavors associated with your specific bottle. One of the points of wine is: you want something flavorful. “Getting the job done,” or just getting smashed, can be achieved with cheap vodka or whiskey, but that’s not the route you’re going for. You want flavor with a buzz.

 

Do I Shop Reds or Whites?

That all depends on your preference. Sometimes, it takes biting the bullet a little bit or getting some wine delivered to your door to pick your favorite flavor and body. If you’re looking to become prolific, we recommend giving Wine Folly a read: it’s one of the best-selling guides to wine that you’ll find, and it’s told in the tone of the everyday wine drinker. You don’t have to be posh to enjoy an icy bottle of wine.

 

That being said, there’s a distinct flavor difference. Whites tend to have a bit more of a sharp, bitter taste to them; you get the full essence of the alcohol. Reds are considered to be heart-healthy; some cardiologists actually recommend a glass of red wine with dinner every night. Who knew, right? Reds also contain antioxidants, which are the keys to unlocking the well of youth, and just generally good for you. Do you want a fruitier, fuller taste? Go red.

 

What Do You Mean There’s a Wine Subscription Service?

 There are a bunch of these floating around, but the most prominent is Winc. Grab a bottle of wine starting at $13 a whack, and choose from a boatload of different vendors. You know the beauty of Fourteen Robots recommending things, right? We’re a small group of guys telling you what we love—these are recommendations from guys who’ve actually tried it, and liked it. (Mostly our writer; he likes wine a little too much.)

 


See also: Quick Whiskey Buyers Guide

Your Brief Guide to Rum

Beloved by Jack Sparrow and drink mixers alike, rum has been the go-to for centuries. It gives you the kick you need and is easily masked by the flavors you want. That being said, it’s also this writer’s favorite to drink straight-up on the rocks. As with the rest of our guides, take a look at our top three picks for rum before continuing onto the flavors and consistencies you should be looking for. If you decide on purchasing from our affiliates linked (1-877-Spirits), get a discount when entering 14-R in the promotion field at checkout.

 

  1. Montanya Oro Dark Rum

If you’re not a fan of darks, whether it’s in craft beer or rum, then you’re going to be in for a treat—Montanya built the hybrid between lighter and darker rum. This is light enough to be enjoyed over an ice ball and dark enough to go from your hand to your head in sixty seconds flat.

 

  1. Mount Gay Black Barrel Rum

A hare’s breath away from being a thickly-spiced rum, Mount Gay Black Barrel Rum brings us the flavor palette of an esteemed gentleman, while getting right to the point and relaxing our muscles in a snap. When you want charred, smoky, and oaky, go for the black barrel.

 

  1. Blue Chair Bay Coconut Rum

Flavored rums rub some guys the wrong way, but you can’t jam out to Buffet (could you ever jam out to Buffet?) without coconut rum. Mix it into just about anything, and you’ll have endless summertime in a glass.

 

What Makes Rum So Good For Mixing?

Rum makes mixing drinks a blast. Its low-key flavor is easy to hide behind high-acidity fruit juices, especially pineapple juice. Rum mixes into summertime drinks without a problem. While the alcohol content can seriously pack a punch, especially when blended with other alcohols, you get the rum flavor to underline the drink, not embolden it.

 

What Should I Look For in a Rum?

Would I be lazy to say that you should just like it straight-up? If you can throw a shot back and genuinely enjoy the taste, you’ve found your rum. Beware, however—not every rum blends well. Captain Morgan tends to be better on its own or mixed straight into other alcohols, while Parrot Bay (also by Captain Morgan) blends better into other flavor profiles.

 

If you enjoy it straight, you’ll enjoy it behind a wall of flavorful additives.

 

What’s a Robot Mojito?

We’re so glad we positioned you to ask. After trying over two-dozen recipes, it’s our own little twist on a good mojito.

Robot Mojito sitting at a bar.
Robot Mojito sitting at a bar.
  • 2oz white rum
  • 2oz sparkling water/club soda
  • 3 mint leaves
  • ½oz simple syrup
  • ¼oz lime juice
  • ¼oz lemon juice

 

Do you want to experience rum like a champion? Mojitos are the way to go. Everything’s better with a robotic flair, don’t you think?

 


 

The Porch (Sacramento, CA)

Southern food is an age-old favorite for a reason—it’s delicious comfort food that always promises to envelop you in its warmth, and whisk you away to tastebudtopia. The exterior of the building looks like a southern-style mansion, and the interior is like beer heaven came to Earth, and for some reason, us mere mortals are allowed entry.

 

Fries, chicken, and burgers—that’s what I got while I was there, and I somehow managed to gluttonously shove down their buttery red velvet cake. By the time I paid, I was ready to retire for the week, and wake up so I could come back and do it all again. Fair pricing, southern-style food in the heart of Sacramento, all with a spirits menu that’s certain to excite.

 

Sit at the bar in the evening, and just nestle into the atmosphere. There’s really nothing like it; The Porch makes their own atmosphere. It’s not a dusty bar or an old west saloon—it’s The Porch. You have to experience it to understand it; tell them FourteenRobots sent you.

 

The Porch Restaurant & Bar
1815 K Street
Sacramento, CA 95811
916.444.2423

 


 

Quick Whiskey Buyer’s Guide

Whiskey is the prime drink of the working man, the businessman, everyone in between, and everyone beyond. It finds its way to every demographic, no matter what their preference is—you want to know why? It’s evolved over the years. If you’re looking for your next favorite whiskey, or you’re not a whiskey drinker and want to find that perfect introductory bottle, you’ve come to the right place. Let’s start with our top three picks for whiskey.

 

  1. Bookers Bourbon Small Batch

 Booker’s has always been a crowd favorite, and their small batch reminds us all why. When you don’t see a brand in constant advertisements, you start to forget them. When you pop into a pub for the first time in ages, and you see Booker’s on the shelf, you can’t help but smile. Their bourbon brings you all the flavors, packed into the punch of a single bottle—can you handle it? – Get a discount when entering “14-R” at checkout.

 

  1. Jack Daniels Sinatra Select

 We all know Jack has what it takes to turn your Friday night into the good time you’ve been hoping for. Jack Daniels has a wide variety of different whiskeys, but one of the most unique flavors out of their lot comes in Sinatra Select. When you go with a Sinatra, you’re getting a uniquely smooth ride—it’s fresh pavement and new tires. It goes down easy, taking you with it down the highway. – Get a discount when entering “14-R” at checkout.

 

  1. Ranger Creek .36 Straight Bourbon

 Single malt whiskey brands come and go, and then there’s Ranger Creek. (Personally, I never go without having a bottle of .36 on my shelf.) Brewed the way that only a Texas distillery can, .36 Straight is a scotch-style whiskey that blows their competition right out of the water. It’s hand-crafted and boasts one of the most unique flavors of any whiskey on the market. FourteenRobots.com’s top pick for the perfect whiskey for any occasion—Ranger Creek’s .36 Straight Bourbon.

 

What Do I Look For In a Whiskey?

 There’s a process that most whiskeys follow: sweetness at the lips, bitterness at the tongue, dry, smoky residual effect in the throat. When you throw back a shot or a glass of whiskey, you’re letting it take control and deliver an air of comfort and relaxation. Not everyone is big on the burn, some hate even the slightest hint of sweetness in their whiskey, so when you pick up a bottle or read a description line, here’s what to look for.

 

For the sweetness lovers, you’ll want to look for ingredients like caramel, toffee, or at least the flavors/extracts of them. This is going to give you that little zing on your lips and carry on right through to the very base of your palette, delving your senses into unique and sweet flavors, while still delivering the buzz.

 

Light whiskeys give you a slightly sweet taste, the same sweetness you can find in fruits like apples and pears. The burn has less of a residual effect, described as a “clean finish.” All that means is when it’s gone, it’s gone. You get a very minute smoky feeling, while the rest of it dies out within a minute or so after swallowing.

 

Then you get to full-on smoky whiskeys. For those of us who dive into the pool in the dark, the thrill-seekers, you go straight for smoky whiskeys. Part of the fun of trying new smoky whiskey brands is the plunge—throwing a shot back without taking a whiff from the bottle is exciting, while introducing you into an entirely different world than the one you were just standing in. It leaves more of a burn and smoky residue in the back of the throat, and that’s what some of us are after.

 

Whiskey on the Rocks

For those of you who enjoy alcohol in its purest form (whatever comes out of the bottle, stave off the mixers and juices and such), splashing a few ounces of whiskey over an ice ball chills it to the core, and intensifies all of those attributes and flavors in your favorite brand and flavor profile.

 

Scotch Whiskey

 Scotch comes in a couple different types depending on how it’s made. Scotch is a richer flavor than standard whiskey, distinct and sharp on your tongue. Scotch is best enjoyed with a big ball of ice, (made specifically for scotch drinkers), and goes down nice and smooth.

 

Bourbon

 In the family tree, bourbon is the fun uncle of the family. Bourbon contains at least 51% corn, and fills out the rest with rye or wheat, and malted barley. It’s distinct and dry, so for you smoky lovers out there, bourbon is a great bet.

 


 

Woodford Reserve Rye

We’re coming straight out of Kentucky with this one. Woodford Reserve is a grand slam, and one of the most potent rye whiskeys I’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting. When you pop open that top and get punches in the nose by the musk of real man’s whiskey, there’s no going back.

I’m a fan of whiskey on the rocks. Tossing four ounces of this over an ice ball hit the spot like nothing else. I can see Jack Daniels tearing up from the liquor cabinet shelf, and I think “Baby Come Back” is playing somewhere in the background. It’s hard to put Woodford down, but so easy to throw back.

 


 

Springbank 10

What’s better than a ten-year long marriage? A ten-year long marriage with Springbank 10 on your shelf for those special occasions. Each shot worth contained within this bottle is preset for a special moment in your life—you just don’t know what that is. Not yet.

 

When you sit back and watch your daughter go on her first date—Springbank’s celebratory shot is there. When your last mortgage payment gets mailed out—you guessed it: Springbank. It’s a premier whiskey that’s already got a spot on your top shelf (you just have to move the other ones over). Whiskey is one of those spirits that people love to overanalyze. If you’re a regular reader here at Fourteen Robots, then you know that’s not how we do it.

 

It goes down hard, leave the most delectable burn on the back of your throat for about thirty seconds, and settles into the spots that need it the most. Melt in your chair with the one-shot unwinder, and save the next shot for the next special occasion in your life.

 


 

Oliva Serie V Melanio Robusto Cigar

If you need to lean back in your chair, and just enjoy a clean stack of smoke rising to the ceiling, dissipating in the air, then you’re looking at an Oliva Serie to get the job done. This company was recently acquired by J. Cortez Cigars N.V. back in 2016, who is most noted for their Calvano brand, among four other brands of exquisite cigars.

 

The biggest concern was maintaining Oliva’s premier standard, which thus far, Cortez has managed to do with flying colors. You get a perfect blend of cedar, and silky, smooth smoke that leaves your lips feeling dried like a winter campfire, and your lungs feeling relaxed and smoky. Straight from Nicaragua, this recipe—which has been around in Cuba since the early 1800s—remains to be a favorite among anyone who has the pleasure of lighting one up, and settling on down.